Monday, October 1, 2012

Requirements of Me

Edited by my current self as of 7.4.13 in blue.

Day of 10 Planetary Hand
Tone 10 (Planetary):  creative power to Perfect Manifestation, action of Producing
Blue Hand Seal (MANIK):  Knows and emphasizes Accomplishment (heals)


Dear Potential Lover,

When I became abstinent I literally opened myself to the possibility of never having sex again. That was in me to do. It was a viable possibility at that time. I needed years of space from the way sexual intimacy is done in our society (Western) and by our species in order to gain clarity on it. There is still so much that I do not (and may "never") understand about sexual intimacy. But after 2 years of abstinence I realized I am an erotic and sexual person by nature; and that, if done purposefully, sexual intimacy could be beneficial to me and my existence on this Earth. 

And only now, after nearly 3 years of abstinence, have I realized how I can engage in sexual intimacy without disregarding myself. "Disregarding myself" means engaging in a sexual act that undermines the actuality of my being. Let's call it "Token Sex." 

Regarding myself means speaking of and doing the sexual intimacy I require. Coupled with being consciously attentive to those requirements and what I'm doing with myself. Principally speaking, any other sexual experience would subvert my awareness of what I am. That activity would lessen me and thereby constrict my purposefulness within Existence at this time. This time is what I have and it is my experiential trade and currency. I'm not fucking around with it. This life is invaluable, yet I will forever do my utmost to pay it back with interest. 

One of the pillars of my life practice is the understanding that every person is made up of 5 carnal energies: the boy, the girl, the man, the womyn and the elder. Each person relates differently to the presence of these carnal energies within their nature. When considering these 5 energies in relation to the sexual intimacy that is perceivable to my nature; within sexual intimacy it is my womyn energy that engages most fundamentally. Sometimes my man energy and/or girl energy can be present too. Yes, I incarnated within a female body so that is the energy readily available to me. Yet, for me, I am constantly attempting to expand my awareness so it can comprehend my womyn energy. It is necessary that I engage her and that I engage with her with proper regard and attentiveness. 

I wasn't consciously working to do this when I began my abstinence. Really I was just trying to get some perspective and stop wasting my energy/time. Yet in the process of my abstinence, I was reintroduced to my womyn energy and she relayed to me my misuse of her energy. She and I have been in recovery and we require further recovery. The more recovered we become, the greater our awareness of one another becomes actualized. 

I am learning what my womyn energy requires in order to be integrally present within me. When it comes to sexual intimacy, she has made it clear that we cannot venture into sexual acts that are not sacred. My interest in engaging in sexual intimacy isn't in getting off. My interest in engaging in sexual intimacy is in attending to the person I'm with as well as being attended to. (And not to be an asshole, but this is what I'm talking about: ORIGIN Middle English (in the sense [apply one's mind, one's energies to] ): from Old French atendre, from Latin attendere, from ad- ‘to’ + tendere ‘stretch.’) 

The sacredness I am speaking of is not determined by ceremony or words alone. "My" sacred is the intent, attention and extensiveness one gives to a life altering act that involves the alchemy of combining unknown substances. The attention required is nothing short of complete presence to - and awareness of - what is going on before you, around you and with you. What makes a sacred act sacred is the intent of going about acts and their futures with your will extended outside of you and into other things. A single word for this is Life, but I consider Existence to be alchemical. Thus, I treat everything within Existence as such.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Checking In....

Day of 7 Red Resonant Dragon
Tone 7 (Resonant): creative power to Channel Attunement, action of Inspiring
Red Dragon Seal (IMIX): Nurtures and emphasizes Birth


Hhhhhheeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Long time. Yea. I haven't forgotten about this GATR baby. I just have been emerging from myself in greater detail these past few months. Due to this I have been largely in a gestation state that has not really "allowed" for me to write about my personal philosophy/opinion. 

Times are changing, I'm changing. Also, I have to say that creative as I am, my creativity does not always wish to be written. Sometimes I'm speaking it, other times singing it, occasionally I'm poeticizing it. And then every now and then, ideally once a month, I'm penning philosophical about it. 

That's why I'm back here checking in! I hope you're well and if you're not well, I hope you intend for yourself to be better. As I am still not quite in my ideal philosophical state of mind (for writing this blog), I am going to leave you with some links that have been informing my consciousness. 

Until next time!

The List of Awesomey Awesomeness Links of Awesome Town, Earth








Love * Light,
GATR

P.S. I'll be back!

P.P.S. The Time Keepers Say...

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Reclaiming Choice: The Renewed Frontier?

Day of 11 Red Spectral Moon
Tone 11 (Spectral): creative power to Dissolve Liberation, action of Release
Red Moon Seal (MULAC): Purifies and emphasizes Universal Water

An article I wrote for allvoices.com on December 11, 2011...
(Which I will repost under that date)

2011 saw a lot of upheavals, upsets, surprises and activity. Compared to the seeming complacency of people across all societies in 2010, 2011 involved the reclaiming of the civilian's voice.

Considering modernity and convenience in the world today, it follows that many people do not put thought into how our species arrived here. We are not aliens - depending on who you ask - and we didn't arrive on Earth in a spaceship with everything neatly set up and abandoned. We arrived where we are today because our ancestors struggled, grunted, fought and strived to ensure that some day, some of us would be able to live sustainably.

I'm not sure how sustainable today's world is, but it's certainly more convenient than the one that required making up language, designing everything and truly surviving the wild. Back when the first people of our species woke up to their own consciousness, they had indeed reached a new frontier.

Zoom all the way forward to the present: December 2011. Are we still frontier people? Or have we forgotten our roots and what got us here? In my short lifetime, any year but this one I would have had my doubts. I would have spoken about unrest, but not about action. I would have pointed out dissatisfaction, but not known where to truly locate collective response. 2011 has changed that.

Decisions made in 2011 haven't been pretty, or perfect or even particularly "widespread" (considering the number of people in each country); but what 2011 decisions have been are an example of what happens when people begin reclaiming their choices. Ownership of action is necessary to a frontier person. To explore "the furthermost limits of knowledge or achievement in a particular subject," one must have confidence to act. Having confidence to act requires having faith in one's ability to make one's own choices.

Actively making choices is at the very nature of frontier spirit. To go where no person has gone before requires the desire to KNOW, the ability to ACT and the strength to deal with the futures of those KNOWING ACTS! It is what our species has loved about every great innovator in our history: a seeming lack of fear (or an obvious amount of courage) to try the unknown and to base one's faith in their own existence upon the knowing that only they can see.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Thought Pursuit "10.26.11"

Day of 8 Blue Galactic Hand
Tone 8 (Galactic): creative power to Harmonize Integrity, action of Modeling
Blue Hand Seal (MANIK): Knows and emphasizes Accomplishment (heals)

Thought Pursuit on the Eye of the Storm...

In the Eye of the Storm there is clarity and calm. The Eye of the Storm is a balanced centered-ness that maintains its position, even within the chaos(1) of the external. It is a dense place and palpable. Because the conditions of the Eye of the Storm are so focused upon that manifestation's sensitive(2) awareness of all that goes on around it, it takes on density. That density is compounded because it is focused and directed towards an inner stillness which is wholly present to everything it is engaging with. Being that the Eye of the Storm holds space within the chaos of the external, it requires a palpable substance and density to maintain its integrity as a place of calm. Balancing energetic chaos, which is all around, requires open connectivity within centered focus. Open connectivity (presence to and awareness of ones surroundings) within centered focus (presence in and awareness of ones acts, both in and of themselves and in response to ones surroundings) provides clarity. This clarity is extremely powerful and can only be maintained consistently and sustainably when cultivated within calm. The calm is what allows the sensitive awareness of clarity to be present to everything in its surroundings as well as utilized in response to anything of its surroundings. This highly intentional combination of circumstances creates energetic density. This energetic density, maintained within the Eye of the Storm, is powerful because its sensitive awareness is so responsive(3). The quicker this energetic density can assess its engaged sensitive awareness to external chaos, the easier it will be for it determine the circumstances and produce for itself an intended outcome.


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(1) chaos: a) Physics behavior so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions b) the formless matter supposed to have existed before the creation of the universe. 
(2) sensitive: a) quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences b) of photographic materials prepared so as to respond rapidly to the action of light.
(3) responsive: a) reacting quickly and positively b) responding readily and with interest or enthusiasm c) answering

Friday, September 16, 2011

Prisonview, Imprisoning You

Day of 6 White Rhythmic World-Bridger
Tone 6 (Rhythmic): Creative power to Organize Equality, action of Balance
White World-Bridger Seal (CIMI): Equalizes and emphasizes Death (Span Dimensions)

In the midst of a very engaging conversation with one of my oldest male friends, I came to a realization about our general perspective as a species.

The realization is this: 

Most people are socialized to limit and imprison themselves within themselves. So it is that we are instructed, by one another, to live as prisoners (regardless of actual prison bars). Each of us is confined to our own cell (our body/worldview/consciousness), only viewing life through our self-constructed prison. Each of us looks through the prison bars of our self-constructed cell taking our vantage point for all of Existence. 

Collectively speaking, we each do this actively first to ourselves and then to all things.

This conversation came about as a result of both of us discussing what we believe our life "contract" to be in simple terms. (I talked about this a few posts back in "Before Time"). Ultimately, I know my contract to involve "releasing the prisoner" as a central focus. I want to be a criminal rehabilitator vocationally speaking (amongst other things). By that I mean I want to engage with prisoners one-on-one while they are in prison and I want to see how they construct their worldview and determine, along with them, what must be done in order to reconstruct that worldview. 

That being said, I am already very much aware that imprisonment doesn't require a state sanctioned prison cell or even prison bars in order to be the reality of someones situation. Even those of us who do not "break the law" tend to criminalize ourselves. We each are our own walking courtroom; with a built in judge, jury and criminal. We each play all roles for ourself and we each decide the outcome of our existence based upon this evolving courtroom. (The 4 Agreements speaks about this in a way that I find is helpful). 

In my last post I wrote about form and function. Form and function are incredibly relevant to each of our prison experiences. It is our attachment to form that allows for our imprisonment. When our existence doesn't look the way we attempt to force it to look, we punish ourselves for it. We determine that our inability to fit the form we have prematurely chosen for ourself(s) is equivalent to our inability to be worthy of being as we actually exist. So rather than exist in the ways that we dream to exist in - in a functional way that involves doing the work and participating in the things we each are genuinely interested in - we berate ourselves constantly for not existing in the form which we incorrectly assess as the only way we can live our desired existence. 

Therein lies the prisoner complex. From behind the prison bars of our prematurely chosen forms, we view the world as a hostile environment. We see others, in their own self-constructed prison cells determined by their own un-enlivened desires, and we judge them based on the forms that have assisted us in constructing our own cells. Interestingly enough, we do not often see the prison's formed around these individuals, because their prisons are not built from the same forms as our own. It is from this vantage point - or lack thereof, depending on how imprisoned we allow ourselves to be - that we perceive all of Existence and the entirety of its meaning.